Sexuality and Chronic Pain

Helping yourself at home
Express your limitations and desires to your partner, says Sueann Mark, PhD, a clinical sexologist with a private practice in San Francisco. "The person in pain needs to take an inventory about what touch is pleasurable and what's not," she says.

While communication is important, it has to be done at the right time: "Talking about these issues is best done when not in bed," she says. Instead, set aside a separate time of day. And remember to think beyond intercourse: "You can find ways to maintain some sexual relationship," she says, including massage, bubble bath, cuddling, and masturbation.

Couples find what works
Through trial and error, couples have found creative ways to maintain intimacy. Jennifer, who lives with chronic migraines, says that she takes advantage of her pain-free days: "We make the best of the times that I feel better than usual," she says. "Even if we have plans, we decide that the most important thing is going to bed together."

Smyres says that she tries to initiate sex once a week and at times other than the evening, when her head often hurts. She's found that talking about sex more with her husband also helps.

Smyres is proof that by communicating and staying in touch with your partner, you can have a rich and loving relationship in spite of chronic pain: "In general, I'm very happy," says Smyres. "My husband is great and my life is wonderful, I'm in the healthiest emotional place that I've ever been."



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